Resolution Avoider Pillows

"So there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can think of giving up the New Year apart from your peanut collection?"

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"I find it best to stay out of office politics!"

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

My resolution this year? Getting in shape so I can lift my favorite snacks!

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

Good intentions last a month on average

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

"I feel like all I did in January was work out, eat healthy, strive for meaningful and balanced relationships, and improve my sleep schedule -- thank god that nightmare's over."