Resolution Avoider Pillows

"So there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can think of giving up the New Year apart from your peanut collection?"

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"I find it best to stay out of office politics!"

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

My resolution this year? Getting in shape so I can lift my favorite snacks!

If it makes you fell any better, I had to make seven New Year's resolutions, and I'm sure I'll break every last one. Ice cream.

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

Good intentions last a month on average

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

Great ... Thanks to your "calendar" invention, now I have to think of a New Year's resolution.

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

"I feel like all I did in January was work out, eat healthy, strive for meaningful and balanced relationships, and improve my sleep schedule -- thank god that nightmare's over."

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"