Problem Avoider Pillows

The new, improved "Hide-A-Dysfunction" Slip Cover

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Shouldn't you be studying?

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

The Procrastinatorium.

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

'The one thing I hate about summer - great big moths coming in at night.'

"But this is the way we've always done it."

We'd like a very public table where she won't break up with me because she's afraid I'll make a scene. Menu. ? ?

'I'll tell you why math is important - it lets us count the days till school's out!'

The dog that does the homework...

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."

"I don't like all the responsibility that comes with my new pompousness."

Introducing the 1040 - F.I.* Form (*The tax return for the financially incompetent.)

The Ostrich Syndrome: 'Who gets the check?'

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

'I like unfunded mandates best - you don't have to worry about the math.'

'When it's summer I won't have to do math.'