Problem Avoider Pillows

The new, improved "Hide-A-Dysfunction" Slip Cover

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

"Shouldn't you be studying?

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

The Procrastinatorium.

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

'The one thing I hate about summer - great big moths coming in at night.'

"But this is the way we've always done it."

"I don't like all the responsibility that comes with my new pompousness."

'I'll tell you why math is important - it lets us count the days till school's out!'

The dog that does the homework...

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."

Introducing the 1040 - F.I.* Form (*The tax return for the financially incompetent.)

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

The Ostrich Syndrome: 'Who gets the check?'

'I like unfunded mandates best - you don't have to worry about the math.'

'When it's summer I won't have to do math.'