Numbers Avoider Pillows

"I'd like to be assigned the accounting that doesn't involve numbers."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

'Maths is fun!'

Counting part time employees is the new math.

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Staff Yearbook

Snowflake Investments...penny stocks, junk bonds: 'Here today, gone tomorrow!'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

Sawdust.

I love maths.

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

Homeless count.

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

The Procrastinatorium.

"Profits are up 20%, but unfortunately costs are up 50%."

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

"Well the GOOD news is that if we carry on like this there's a SMALL chance we'll be making a profit in less than 4587 years!"

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

"There's a lot of volatility in the market right now. It's a really exciting time to be in graphs."

'The good news is we've readjusted our expectations.'

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

"Now is the part of the show when we ask the audience to shout out some random numbers."

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

'How would you describe yourself?'

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."