Numbers Avoider T-Shirts

"I'd like to be assigned the accounting that doesn't involve numbers."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

'Maths is fun!'

Counting part time employees is the new math.

Staff Yearbook

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Snowflake Investments...penny stocks, junk bonds: 'Here today, gone tomorrow!'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

Sawdust.

I love maths.

Homeless count.

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

The Procrastinatorium.

"Profits are up 20%, but unfortunately costs are up 50%."

"Well the GOOD news is that if we carry on like this there's a SMALL chance we'll be making a profit in less than 4587 years!"

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

"There's a lot of volatility in the market right now. It's a really exciting time to be in graphs."

'The good news is we've readjusted our expectations.'

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

"Now is the part of the show when we ask the audience to shout out some random numbers."