Reference Avoider Pillows

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

Sawdust.

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

Wow, look what you've stepped in: Boy I'm glad I'm not the one having to lick it off...

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

An agony of aunts

"This is crazy! Why can't they give us one e-reader with all our school textbooks already on it? That way...I can ignore just one book instead of this whole stack!"

"But this is the way we've always done it."

"I've finally reached the age when the advertising people leave me alone!"

'Thurlow, the difference between you and me is that I was smart enough not to take my own advice.'

'Vice is one thing but advice is far worse!'

"I don't like all the responsibility that comes with my new pompousness."

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

Hiding from unwanted visitors.

"Just more Junk Mail."

"So there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can think of giving up the New Year apart from your peanut collection?"

I came up here because I got tired of being targeted by advertisers.