Relationship Avoider Pillows

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"I did have plants, but they were so needy."

"I believe there's one woman out there for every man."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

Election Cancelling Headphones

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

"We've been standing here talking about how to pitch to the batter for way too long, haven't we?"

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

'Wilcox! Do come in...I'm just leaving!'

Desperate employees escape through bosses high-rise window. 'Hurry! His meeting is almost over!'

'Is he expecting you?'

"I invited a few friends over. Don’t worry – you can still be miserable."

"Not having to go into the office every day has really cut back on pointless meetings..."

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

Herman likes to stay in his comfort zone.

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

"We came early to avoid the conga line."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

Man with blinkers on

'I hate networking.'

Sleeping - "Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

'I roll over and play dead when I don't want to see someone.'