Social Interaction Avoider Pillows

"Oh, I'm not really milking her. I do this so I don't have to make eye contact with anybody."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"If someone hugs me my first day back, I'm going to just break into pieces."

Nervous at a party.

'Honey, I would love to go out with you, but I feel like an idiot at all your friends' parties. The conversations are always way above my head.'

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

"It's just a little device I use to help relieve the anxiety from meeting new people."

Election Cancelling Headphones

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

"We've been standing here talking about how to pitch to the batter for way too long, haven't we?"

"I invited a few friends over. Don’t worry – you can still be miserable."

Desperate employees escape through bosses high-rise window. 'Hurry! His meeting is almost over!'

'Is he expecting you?'

'Wilcox! Do come in...I'm just leaving!'

"Not having to go into the office every day has really cut back on pointless meetings..."

Herman likes to stay in his comfort zone.

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

"That was there to give idlers reason to not stop and chat."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"We came early to avoid the conga line."