Social Avoider Pillows

Herman likes to stay in his comfort zone.

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

'I roll over and play dead when I don't want to see someone.'

"They never showed up-they were the perfect guests."

"We came early to avoid the conga line."

"I invited a few friends over. Don’t worry – you can still be miserable."

"Chatty conspiracy theorist neighbor, 12 o’clock. Initiate ‘pretend squirrel chase’ diversion!"

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

"Ed never attends any party without his opinion cancelling headphones."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Tarzan no want computer."

"Let's see what's going on in the world."

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

Nervous at a party.

'Honey, I would love to go out with you, but I feel like an idiot at all your friends' parties. The conversations are always way above my head.'

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

'I'm going to prescribe for you to stay away from the news on TV and all social media!'

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

"It's just a little device I use to help relieve the anxiety from meeting new people."

Election Cancelling Headphones

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

"We've been standing here talking about how to pitch to the batter for way too long, haven't we?"

2016 Policlicks

"Not having to go into the office every day has really cut back on pointless meetings..."