Social Avoider Gifts

Herman likes to stay in his comfort zone.

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

'I roll over and play dead when I don't want to see someone.'

"They never showed up-they were the perfect guests."

"We came early to avoid the conga line."

"I invited a few friends over. Don’t worry – you can still be miserable."

"Chatty conspiracy theorist neighbor, 12 o’clock. Initiate ‘pretend squirrel chase’ diversion!"

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

"Ed never attends any party without his opinion cancelling headphones."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Tarzan no want computer."

"Let's see what's going on in the world."

Nervous at a party.

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

'Honey, I would love to go out with you, but I feel like an idiot at all your friends' parties. The conversations are always way above my head.'

'I'm going to prescribe for you to stay away from the news on TV and all social media!'

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

Election Cancelling Headphones

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

"It's just a little device I use to help relieve the anxiety from meeting new people."

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

"We've been standing here talking about how to pitch to the batter for way too long, haven't we?"

Businessman wonders why he called a meeting.

The Occupy a Barstool Movement.