Social Avoidance Gifts

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

I.T. Fear

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"Let's see what's going on in the world."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

Nervous at a party.

'I'm going to prescribe for you to stay away from the news on TV and all social media!'

'Honey, I would love to go out with you, but I feel like an idiot at all your friends' parties. The conversations are always way above my head.'

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

Election Cancelling Headphones

"It's just a little device I use to help relieve the anxiety from meeting new people."

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

"We've been standing here talking about how to pitch to the batter for way too long, haven't we?"

Desperate employees escape through bosses high-rise window. 'Hurry! His meeting is almost over!'

'Is he expecting you?'

The Occupy a Barstool Movement.

"I invited a few friends over. Don’t worry – you can still be miserable."

'Wilcox! Do come in...I'm just leaving!'

2016 Policlicks

"Not having to go into the office every day has really cut back on pointless meetings..."

Herman likes to stay in his comfort zone.

Bring Out Your Dead. . . Stay In Your Bed.

"I envy you, not having any idea of what's going on these days."