Family Avoider Gifts

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

Hiding from unwanted visitors.

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

The Amazing Man-Spider

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

Nervous at a party.

'Honey, I would love to go out with you, but I feel like an idiot at all your friends' parties. The conversations are always way above my head.'

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

"It's just a little device I use to help relieve the anxiety from meeting new people."

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

"I invited a few friends over. Don’t worry – you can still be miserable."

Beware... the Piñata of Adulthood

Herman likes to stay in his comfort zone.

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'He always breaks away from the Church on Sunday mornings.'

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

"We came early to avoid the conga line."

'I hate networking.'

'I roll over and play dead when I don't want to see someone.'

'Here! Call the contractor. I don't want to hear any nonsense about goals, or touchdowns, or baskets. I want to see shovels! Lots and lots of shovels!'

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My family reunion is in Bermuda this year. But I hate flying. Ever since they started poking and prodding and x-raying and de-shoe-ung us, I swore I'd only go places to which I could drive. Are you using post-9/11 security enhancements as an excuse to avoid spending time with your annoying relatives? Because if so, I salute you. I will not be fondled by the TSA just to watch Aunt Bertha do the Electric Slide.

'Keep the windows closed. We don't like to encourage office romances.'

"I've decided...there's no way I can throw a party while I house-sit for my Tia Zulema. I just know she'll find out about it."

You're moving to Canada to avoid getting married? Canada border. I'm not the marrying type. I can't be tied down. I'll feel trapped, ornery, mean and I can't cook! Mexico's lovely this time of year. Hide me in your basement.

'My brother hates school. He won't read in captivity.'

"I think you're using lawnmower repair to avoid intimacy."