Name Avoider Pillows

"I don't have kids because after twenty years of teaching there isn't a child's name I can hear that won't give me horrible flash backs."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

Email Notifications

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

Sawdust.

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

"Shouldn't you be studying?

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

'Scientists at the Human Genome Project have located a gene that makes us want to constantly look for our name on search engines.'

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."

'I hate networking.'

'I went to the city once, but I couldn't get used to the crowds'.

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

"We can't stay. Charles freaks out without some electronic device beeping or blinking at him."

'Nature makes me nervous!'

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."

Too posh to wash...

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My family reunion is in Bermuda this year. But I hate flying. Ever since they started poking and prodding and x-raying and de-shoe-ung us, I swore I'd only go places to which I could drive. Are you using post-9/11 security enhancements as an excuse to avoid spending time with your annoying relatives? Because if so, I salute you. I will not be fondled by the TSA just to watch Aunt Bertha do the Electric Slide.

Introducing the 1040 - F.I.* Form (*The tax return for the financially incompetent.)

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

Hiding from unwanted visitors.

Bill struggled for years trying to make a name for himself in the city.

'Are you kidding??'

'My brother hates school. He won't read in captivity.'

'Lots of people never had hurricanes named after them.'

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

Please stop trying to engage me in conversation, Lars. Can't you tell when a wolverine is engrossed in a book? Sure, that's easy. They move their snouts when they read.