Household Avoider Pillows

"With my tech skills, I just feel my talents would be wasted on mundane tasks like taking out the trash, cutting the grass and cleaning my room."

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

"Harold! Don't forget to get the eggs!"

Sawdust.

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

Wow, look what you've stepped in: Boy I'm glad I'm not the one having to lick it off...

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

There's leftover apple crisp! Whoever finishes it up, please clean the baking dish. Hey! It's not finished!!

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

The things some people do to escape from McDonald's advertising.

"But this is the way we've always done it."

"I've finally reached the age when the advertising people leave me alone!"

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My family reunion is in Bermuda this year. But I hate flying. Ever since they started poking and prodding and x-raying and de-shoe-ung us, I swore I'd only go places to which I could drive. Are you using post-9/11 security enhancements as an excuse to avoid spending time with your annoying relatives? Because if so, I salute you. I will not be fondled by the TSA just to watch Aunt Bertha do the Electric Slide.

"Can you please be quiet for a few minutes?"

"There's no point us both barking."

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

"Just more Junk Mail."

'Eloise! This feller says he's 'a gent named Iris' and wants to talk to us about Texas.'

Hiding from unwanted visitors.

I came up here because I got tired of being targeted by advertisers.

The new, improved "Hide-A-Dysfunction" Slip Cover

Wheel of Dinner

Just so you know, Bob, I don't date guys who play games. Sooo, the ball's in my court

"My new glasses can see every speck of dust. That's why I don't wear them."

"Not now—I'm cooking to avoid intimacy."

I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing.

"Me, I'm not nocturnal by nature, but by choice: I try to avoid human-contact as much as I can..."