Housework Avoider Pillows

'Make my day. Tell me about all the jobs I don't have to do around the house.'

"My new glasses can see every speck of dust. That's why I don't wear them."

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

A DIY disaster.

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

'Our Filipino dog's a real treasure.'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

Serious Putty

'When played backwards these say terrible things like 'do your homework' and 'clean your room.''

Washing Line Walker

'No hay, no grooming, no mucking out and they live in the broom cupboard!'

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

'But you said to clean my room.'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

'I imagine you'd like to hear about my progress...'

Sif instantly regretted asking Thor to hang the picture.

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

"Harold! Don't forget to get the eggs!"

Billy strip: help with homework.

"I did my 10,000 steps by looking for my reading glasses."

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

'How should I know how things are at home, I moved into the pub a month ago.'

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

'He claims to be a recovering workaholic.'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.