Playful Homeowners Gifts

"Can I interest you in our anti huff and puff damage policy?"

Painting by the numbers for adults

"Careful. That house has a taser."

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

Modern Parents

"At first I was concerned about the Earth opening up. But I was going to build a fire pit, so it actually saved me a lot of time."

Beware of the Lawn

A cock up of builders

Mouse real estate!

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'We live in a designer trainer.'

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

'Someday I hope he grows up into a sports bottle...just like his father.'

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"It was one of the things they kept after selling the ski resort."

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

Witches in kitchen, sign for man says 'Your dinner's in the coven'.

"When you said you lived in a fishbowl, I just assumed you never got out."

'Want to have a snowball fight?'

Junk Mail Shredder.

Home Ship Home

The little old lady who lived in a shoe looks into a mobile home.

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'