Homeowners With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

A cock up of builders

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

Pest Control

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Is the fire included?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

An exaggeration of estate agents

'The owners are a bunch of clowns.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

Hey! Built-ins! Carpenter Ants: Best-Case Scenario.

'And this is the sunken living room.'

'And every spring, a koi pond shows up in a corner of the basement.'

'We made the last payment and we were burning the mortgage to celebrate.'

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Uncle Sam.

I rhyme today for I feel great cheer. Listen up, people. I am truly moved. The greatest three words a man can hear. You are pre-approved! Hail the bard of the home-loan sonnet.

'I'm positive that 'Open House' sign pointed to next door.'

Fire Alarm

Sign reads - For Sale Still Under A Million.

'Are you sure now is the best time to buy an inflatable house?'

"Hello, county? You folks are over doing the mosquito fogging today!"

"Honey? You'd better get home. The toilet's backed up again."

House with Damp Problem.

'Well it was here yesterday... the owner might of taken it down for security reasons'

"Another unpaid nightshift! Please tell me you at least secured the video rights?"

"It might have been smart to inquire about the tides before buying this seaside place"

'We're not interested in a second mortgage on our house...but how about a first mortgage on the dog house?'