Homeowner Humors Gifts

'I'm leaving you, Robert... and I'm taking the house with me.'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Pest Control

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Is the fire included?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

Mouse real estate!

Beware of the Lawn

Old MacDonald had a genetically modified farm.

A cock up of builders

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

William and Real Estate

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

Affordable housing

Catchment Area for Teachers

'Due to a slight technical mistake, I sold your house to me for £2.50.'

Junk Mail Shredder.

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Uncle Sam.

'I'm positive that 'Open House' sign pointed to next door.'

"Looks like housing starts are up."

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'