Homeownership Humorous Gifts

"I'm voting for whoever promises to keep my house underwater."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

Pest Control

'Is the fire included?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

A cock up of builders

An exaggeration of estate agents

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"I've downsized."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

Affordable housing

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

'Due to a slight technical mistake, I sold your house to me for £2.50.'

Catchment Area for Teachers

'I'm positive that 'Open House' sign pointed to next door.'

Snail Estate Agents

"We had something in your price range. . . but it was condemned!"

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Uncle Sam.

"When I move out of this whale, I'd like to sublet my space. That's why I had all my stuff shipped here."

Nijinsky Moving Company . Ballet dancers.

Shoe for Rent

'We made the last payment and we were burning the mortgage to celebrate.'