Playful Homeowner Gifts

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

Painting by the numbers for adults

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

'Super Dog'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

' ... and this is the half bath.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

Pet Pony

"C'mon already...that lipstick really isn't my shade."

Beware of the Lawn

Mouse real estate!

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Modern Parents

K9 Literati.

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

"It's just until he gets over his laryngitis."

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

'Good book?'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

Dalmation with soccer ball: Soccer Hound.