Playful Homeowner Pillows

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

Painting by the numbers for adults

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

'Super Dog'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

Beware of the Lawn

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

K9 Literati.

Modern Parents

"C'mon already...that lipstick really isn't my shade."

Mouse real estate!

Pet Pony

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

"It's just until he gets over his laryngitis."

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

'Good book?'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

Dalmation with soccer ball: Soccer Hound.