Playful Family Member Gifts

'I know they do that in church, Sweetie, but Daddy isn't a statue.'

"Nice try, Amber. . . but you know it is your Bath time, not Trixie's!"

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Mittens is challenged by the string.

'She's just great with the children.'

'Super Dog'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Werewolves of London..."

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

"Don't even think about it."

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

Dog admiring hairless dog calendar

'Look Daddy: I'm wearing Mummy's shoes...'

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"Well, my dog cleans himself that way!"