Playful Family Gifts

Father's Day.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'She's just great with the children.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

'The kids were so sweet...'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

"Werewolves of London..."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

Kangaroo - Mum dropping her ice-cream on Joey's head.

'You may now kick the bride.'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

Circus Act

Jeff's Smorgasbord

'Remember last Saturday. . . you were bold that day. No dear, caught.'

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

'Look Daddy: I'm wearing Mummy's shoes...'