Animal Enthusiastic Family Member Gifts

"Right now, may the good Lord strike me dead with pneumonia."

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

Haute Suture

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Don't even think about it."

Dog wearing a cone

"Your love gives me strength."

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

Snooze buttons for cat owners

A dog postal worker delivers through a letterbox in a doggy door.

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

Separation

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"Shhh! I'm hiding from Mistress who wants to go on a walk! It's cold and raining outside: no way I'm wearing that stupid coat again!"

But it's the other leg that hurts.

Cat king.

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

Endangered Species - Hardly/Slightly/Extremely.

"It's nice to be wanted."

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

"I'm beginning to worry she might work out who is really in charge."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

The Taming of the Ewe

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

Cat does not want to chase the stick.

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

The definitive turning point in The Great Terrier-Squirrel War was the now-famous Trojan Acorn Maneuver.

'You see, Doctor, we've never had any children...