Animal-loving Family Member Gifts

Cat does not want to chase the stick.

A day in the park

'Where does Doctor Davis practice?...'

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"That's where we differ. You'd eat cat food, but I wouldn't touch dog food."

"Don't even think about it."

Dog wearing a cone

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

"Your love gives me strength."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

Separation

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

Endangered Species - Hardly/Slightly/Extremely.

Cat king.

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

But it's the other leg that hurts.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

Dog and family arrive at 'Mount Ruffmore' National Park, instead of Mount Rushmore.

Zoo. It's wednesday again --- time to wash the camels. I hate "hump" day. (Published originally on July 20, 2005).

"It's nice to be wanted."

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

'Oh, sure -- but He won't let US have pets!'

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

This is Roscoe, our first pooch

'You see, Doctor, we've never had any children...

"I know you're a working dog, Angus. I just don't have anything for you right now."

"You're spoiling that dog!"

'My hamster fell asleep at the wheel!'

"No, I'm only interested in dogs and cats."