Plastic Bag Hater Gifts

Unlike responsible marsupials, Sheila didn't give a darn about the environment,

"Think of it -- you'd never have to fold another shirt."

"Oh, phew, good news - #5s are recyclable."

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

'I told you to keep the rice in a plastic bag.'

"Bill and I hate the same books."

'The pilgrim kids had corn pudding. We have pumpkin pie. I guess parents have always tried to pass vegetables off as dessert.'

Food Court. Hey, a "food court"! Let's go file a lawsuit about Brussels Sprouts!

"OK...not taking a shower is not an option for teenage boys!"

'And someone's been eating my dinner. But I notice they've left the bloody side-serving of sprouts!'

My New Year's resolution? To no longer suffer in silence. I will moan, whimper, and complain until you resolve to get the heater fixed.

Pre-emptive strike against brussels sprouts.

'If Miss Stabler had meant for me to read, she wouldn't have told me to have a nice summer.'

'You want a plastic bag, for one tin of peas? Why don't you use your hands to carry it home? After all, they are reusable and friendlier to the environment.'

'Apparently it was only his fear of heights that stopped him from jumping.'

"...And as for cards, I've no intention of pouring more money into the capitalists machine, of becoming a dupe of the marketing men!"

J. Beebleman Pres. He's too cheap to have a real corporate retreat.

"I forgot to cancel the pizza leaflets..."

'I suppose everyone collects something.'

"No, I haven't heard that broccoli was on the endangered species list."

"Trust me. We won't have to worry about my shadow any more."

"Gawd, I hate these water hazards!!"

'Let's make a big End-Of-The-World-party! Hey, we wouldn't even have to clear the mess up the next day!'

"There were only two things about Bryan that I simply could not stand - his breathing and is chewing."

"You think your people are weird, mine follows me around on walks and bags my poop."

'It looks like a rare 2008 Marks and Spencers!' - twitchers of the future

"Do you know how much damage all these plastic bags are doing to our planet?" "I've got a great idea. Eat all your stuff right here in the store."

"Here's the deal. I'll buy lots of stuff from you online if you stop sending me catalogs through the mail."

"What's new?... For starters, most of my wife."

"Look, I've had enough of picking up after him, OK?"

"Where's a plague of locusts when you need one?"

"This app is guaranteed to help you stop wasting time. It turns off all your social media accounts."