Card-hater Gifts

"...And as for cards, I've no intention of pouring more money into the capitalists machine, of becoming a dupe of the marketing men!"

Man burning his tie.

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

'Oh good! - I hate long lines!'

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

"I hate hibernating! All our devices need updating. And now we need to go through a thousand phone and text messages."

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Think of it -- you'd never have to fold another shirt."

"Bill and I hate the same books."

With the Inflatable Pocket Potty, you'll never have to wait in line again at the stadium.

'It's a new federal safety regulation. We have to slide a mattress behind you before we hand you your bill.'

Lookup in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! Malaprop Man! You're playing poker these days! Yep. I'm a natural born grumbler. Last time I played I won a bit pop with a full horse. Then I bit it all and lost on the next hand. I needed one card for a royal flash. I never had a chance because all four jerks were missing. There was only forty-eight cards! I always knew you weren't playing with a full deck, Malaprop Man.

"We'd like to begin by boarding all passengers who feel impatient."

I know how you feel … I still get carded. Bar.

"I would not be opposed to a cat tax."

'What the-! Who the heck's playing buffalo chips?'

"When I said I was 'all-in', I meant I was going to bed... and I'm not saying that just because I lost the hand."

"No, it's not my ex-husband. Worse - my ex-bridge partner."

'If Miss Stabler had meant for me to read, she wouldn't have told me to have a nice summer.'

'It's heaven... but the music here sucks.'

You gotta be pretty old to have nose hairs that long.

"I forgot to cancel the pizza leaflets..."

How to cut down clutter: Don't buy stuff.

Jack's Cards

'I'm sorry - we don't take American Express,'

"There were only two things about Bryan that I simply could not stand - his breathing and is chewing."

"Here's the deal. I'll buy lots of stuff from you online if you stop sending me catalogs through the mail."

"I wouldn't call what you have a "cat allergy". It's more like a visceral hatred..."

Unlike responsible marsupials, Sheila didn't give a darn about the environment,

Tired of waiting in endless lines at the neighborhood lemonade stand?

'Football stink. Me like hunting better.'

'I need a card that apologizes for not caring enough to send anything more than a card.'