Bill Hater Gifts

'It's a new federal safety regulation. We have to slide a mattress behind you before we hand you your bill.'

'I hate Mondays.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

'Get up and put your house slippers on! - You'll be late for home school!'

I hate sitting in traffic jams. - 'Move it! I need to get work.' - 'I hate sitting at my desk.' -

Telephone message - 'This is a recording. If you'd like to speak to a real live human being, forgetaboutit.

"I know it's tough to get motivated on Mondays, but..."

'Oh good! - I hate long lines!'

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

Confucius say: shut up.

"I hate hibernating! All our devices need updating. And now we need to go through a thousand phone and text messages."

"Think of it -- you'd never have to fold another shirt."

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Dang it."

"Bill and I hate the same books."

"Your 'businessman's lunch' was $9.95, sir, but I had to add a 'fair share' surcharge."

Duel Fuel?

Burning and Rotting In Hell Desk Organisers

'Monday is too far from Friday, yet Friday is too close to Monday.'

"Your bill includes a 10% surcharge that goes towards raising awareness of the rampant overcharging in the legal fraternity."

'I really hate conflict.'

'Just like nature, I abhor a vacuum - especially when I'm working!'

The Non-Sporting Group

"I forgot to cancel the pizza leaflets..."

"...And as for cards, I've no intention of pouring more money into the capitalists machine, of becoming a dupe of the marketing men!"

"Thank you Madam. That will be £5000 plus 5p for the bag, of course..."

The Walking Dread

'If Miss Stabler had meant for me to read, she wouldn't have told me to have a nice summer.'

'I must warn you; reading your bill may cause heart palpitations,cold sweat,stomach cramps,nausea...'

'For the wrong department: Press one. . . for a patronizing excuse: Press two. . .'

"Monday is a horrible way to spend a seventh of your life."

"There were only two things about Bryan that I simply could not stand - his breathing and is chewing."

To hear Muzak while on hold, press "1." T have a spike driven into your ear, press "2." To end this call, press "3." To end your life, press "4."

Mondays.

A tired rabbit wearing a dressing gown and slippers