Book Hater Gifts

"Bill and I hate the same books."

'If Miss Stabler had meant for me to read, she wouldn't have told me to have a nice summer.'

I hate sitting in traffic jams. - 'Move it! I need to get work.' - 'I hate sitting at my desk.' -

Plagiarism by Billy Widmore It was the best of times it was the worst of times. Four score and seven years ago, Quoted the raven nevermore...

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

'...and what's more, they're all first editions.'

The Farmer Sutra.

'We lost your case, but the PR was a success. Three publishers are bidding on your story, and 30 PTAs are petitioning to have the book banned.'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

"Think of it -- you'd never have to fold another shirt."

With the Inflatable Pocket Potty, you'll never have to wait in line again at the stadium.

Reading

"Personally, there's nothing I like better than to curl up in bed with a bad woman."

Banned Books

'It's a new federal safety regulation. We have to slide a mattress behind you before we hand you your bill.'

'I didn't read your book, or see the movie, but my mother-in-law told me all about it!'

"We'd like to begin by boarding all passengers who feel impatient."

How to manage stress...

"I would not be opposed to a cat tax."

"Do you have any immature reading?"

'Son, you need to get your priorities wrong.'

Hard to Reach Books.

'I don't want to read 'Great Books'. Too much pressure.'

"...And as for cards, I've no intention of pouring more money into the capitalists machine, of becoming a dupe of the marketing men!"

How to Overcome Your Fear Of Books

"Maybe you could put the bad girlfriend doll in the attic and set her on fire."

'You'll find this ideal for brushing the dust off that set of encyclopaedias I sold you last week.'

Moby Poppins

"There were only two things about Bryan that I simply could not stand - his breathing and is chewing."

"She's promiscuous. She's in five book groups."

"You've got a lot of great books here. Which are your favorite?" "Oh, I like the blue ones."

Can't wait to get out of these heels and into my bunny slippers.

"I wouldn't call what you have a "cat allergy". It's more like a visceral hatred..."

City Library: "Oh-oh - I left 'Left behind' behind!"

Tired of waiting in endless lines at the neighborhood lemonade stand?