Plastic Bag Avoider Gifts

'You want a plastic bag, for one tin of peas? Why don't you use your hands to carry it home? After all, they are reusable and friendlier to the environment.'

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

The life-changing magic of shoving everything into a huge Hefty bag and leaving it for somebody else to deal with.

"I do diet...between snacks."

'It's not flying I'm afraid of -- it's driving to the airport!'

Wow, look what you've stepped in: Boy I'm glad I'm not the one having to lick it off...

"I still haven't cleaned up from the party."

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

Tred carefully mill.

'IN my fantasy league, we're not allowed to pick players from teams named after cats.'

'It doesn't matter, Mr. Katz — you're overweight standard or metric.'

'Why can't you do that while I'm on the golf course?'

'The one thing I hate about summer - great big moths coming in at night.'

"But this is the way we've always done it."

'That's the plan then, gang. We all move in with Bruno on bath nights!'

"I don't want stock options. I want you to pay your tab."

'Is there a machine that's not in front of mirrors? I know what I look like...that's why I am here.'

'My last book did not have a happy ending. I had to pay a fine.'

"With my tech skills, I just feel my talents would be wasted on mundane tasks like taking out the trash, cutting the grass and cleaning my room."

'Look on the bright side, we're surrounded by water: We're safe from cats...'

'Not only must she love dogs, but she must hate cats.'

"Do you know how much damage all these plastic bags are doing to our planet?" "I've got a great idea. Eat all your stuff right here in the store."

Fear of housework.

'I put a dab of Pine-Sol behind each ear and my husband thinks I've been cleaning all day.'

'I purposely keep it messy so no monsters move in.'

Unlike responsible marsupials, Sheila didn't give a darn about the environment,

The Modern World is so Full of Anxiety