Plan Averse Gifts

'Enough with all the strategic planning. Just get out there and kill something.'

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

The missiles had failed....so it was down to Frank....and plan B.

I'm sorry, but I have to let you go, Harpic- the office is going open-plan.

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

'Oops! Maybe I should've put this sign out a little earlier.'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

'Maybe hard work 'never killed anyone' but why take the risk?'

'Now, if we stick to our financial plan, I can retire at 55 and you at 87.'

Fortune Telling: Retirement Planning.

'Have you given any thought to what you're going to do with your life after Summer Vacation?'

An agony of aunts

"Personally, I don't trust weathermen. They change their story every day!"

'We projected every contingency except for our plan actually working.'

"This is a great investment, as long as you're not in it for the thrills and chills."

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"But this is the way we've always done it."

'Johnny Wilmot experiences the Grand Canyon'

"I didn't smoke, drank in moderation, exercised, ate kale, and yet, here I am."

'For heaven's sake! We're only going to the caravan for a week!'

Pizza. I found the remote but now I can't find the TV.

'The professor can read hieroglyphics on ruins and in tombs but he can't read text messages on his cell phone.'

'But your only here for a week Dad, there's no point in organising an escape committee!'

'Vice is one thing but advice is far worse!'

'Thurlow, the difference between you and me is that I was smart enough not to take my own advice.'

"Looks like a case of Death by Missed Adventure."