Pizza Trickster Pillows

'Do not answer the door bell until I say so. . . if the pizza guy doesn't deliver our order in 15 minutes, we get our pizza for free.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"I just need help getting the pit out."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

While at the Zoo, Victoria gets an idea.

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

Polly tries reverse psychology

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

Cat makes a dog pound cake with dog cather inside.

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"It's good to see that... ...Tia Carmen teaching Gracie valuable family traditions passed down through the generations."

"Any other skills?"

Party balloons. Looks like an inside job. Helium.

"Namaste."

'Ordinarily, that wouldn't bother me, except Doc did the same blindfold trick last week, when he did my colonoscopy.'

He Did It!

'Silly Billy - who told you that you could eat a cake of soap?'

How to scare cats.

Violinist plays stringy cheese

Fry's Family: Uncle Frank always preferred his eggs hard-boiled.

San's old dog with old tricks.

'Well, I just met the girl of my dreams -- you know, the kind you have when you eat anchovy pizza right before bed.'

Fitz wasn't sure if this was a legitimate rescue or just more culinary trickery.

'None of them is dead! They're just doing this to embarrass me!'

We'll pass on the entrees...

"How's tricks?"

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"