Pizza Trickster T-Shirts

'Do not answer the door bell until I say so. . . if the pizza guy doesn't deliver our order in 15 minutes, we get our pizza for free.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"I just need help getting the pit out."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

While at the Zoo, Victoria gets an idea.

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"Namaste."

"Any other skills?"

"It's good to see that... ...Tia Carmen teaching Gracie valuable family traditions passed down through the generations."

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

He Did It!

'Ordinarily, that wouldn't bother me, except Doc did the same blindfold trick last week, when he did my colonoscopy.'

'Silly Billy - who told you that you could eat a cake of soap?'

Violinist plays stringy cheese

How to scare cats.

'None of them is dead! They're just doing this to embarrass me!'

'Well, I just met the girl of my dreams -- you know, the kind you have when you eat anchovy pizza right before bed.'

San's old dog with old tricks.

Fitz wasn't sure if this was a legitimate rescue or just more culinary trickery.

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

Fry's Family: Uncle Frank always preferred his eggs hard-boiled.

We'll pass on the entrees...

Good boy! Now roll over and play alive.