Pigskin Pundit Gifts

"Holding superstar quarterback accountable—token penalty after the kickoff."

'He threw four interceptions and blew a 14 point lead in the fourth quarter... get the spin doctor!'

Football.

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

'Am I crazy...or does this thing smell just like uncle Earl?'

Stop the big guy!

"Another meeting?"

'Before I call the next play, does anybody want my autograph?'

"Why is this quarterback still playing?"

Mario Draghi

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"Football is too dangerous, Junior. Why not follow my footsteps in a safe sport - chasing investment yield?"

New York Scatological Society

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"Shouldn't there be some sort of pecking order around here?"

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

Ted enjoyed going to the park and feeding the woodpeckers.

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

Cultivating Toughness in Footballs.

The Fishbowl Dynasty

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

'Don't ask me what play to call..I've only got a one year contract...you've got a four year scholarship...you decide what play to call.'

"Technically, when the manufacturer wants your car back, it's a recall. When the bank does it, it's a repossession."

"O.K., let's see what all the fuss is about."

'Your grandfather is a cautionary tale, son. He quit school early and pinned all his hopes on an NFL career. But in the end, he was never used in a single game.'

"Just between us, I came first, but I shredded the evidence."

Midnight in Minnesota

"So how do we know if they've got this helium virus?"

'He destroyed his inner balance! ... Get the yoga coach!'

'Quit rushing me.'

Mother Clucker