Pigskin Jokester Gifts

Dibs!

"Football is too dangerous, Junior. Why not follow my footsteps in a safe sport - chasing investment yield?"

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Football.

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

Stop the big guy!

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Cultivating Toughness in Footballs.

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

"O.K., let's see what all the fuss is about."

'Don't ask me what play to call..I've only got a one year contract...you've got a four year scholarship...you decide what play to call.'

'They come down here to smoke.'

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

'Your grandfather is a cautionary tale, son. He quit school early and pinned all his hopes on an NFL career. But in the end, he was never used in a single game.'

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

Midnight in Minnesota

'He destroyed his inner balance! ... Get the yoga coach!'

101 uses of a dead cat: chaps.

'It was just a matter of time, old cowpuncher, 'til one of them punched back.'

"Why is this quarterback still playing?"

'He's a great dog...a bit of a drooler though.'

"Another meeting?"

'Am I crazy...or does this thing smell just like uncle Earl?'

"Holding superstar quarterback accountable—token penalty after the kickoff."

"I thought we said no presents!"