Pigskin Poet Gifts

'He destroyed his inner balance! ... Get the yoga coach!'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"Football is too dangerous, Junior. Why not follow my footsteps in a safe sport - chasing investment yield?"

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Football.

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'To woof or not to woof...'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

Rebel without a cause. Poet without a war.

K9 Litterati.

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

Cultivating Toughness in Footballs.

"Today no one, and I mean no one, could get the sneakers out of my mouth..."

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

Stop the big guy!

"O.K., let's see what all the fuss is about."

'Don't ask me what play to call..I've only got a one year contract...you've got a four year scholarship...you decide what play to call.'

Hockey Goal

Pet Cemetery.

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

'Your grandfather is a cautionary tale, son. He quit school early and pinned all his hopes on an NFL career. But in the end, he was never used in a single game.'

Midnight in Minnesota

"Accidentally flying onstage does not count as 'doing Shakespeare in the Park.' "

"Yes, their lives changed when they won the lottery and bought a mansion, but not mine: I'm still not allowed in the house..."

A dog sits at her typwriter

"Holding superstar quarterback accountable—token penalty after the kickoff."

"Another meeting?"

'Am I crazy...or does this thing smell just like uncle Earl?'

"Why is this quarterback still playing?"

BOWZ, poetry reading...'Neither good doggie, nor bad dog be...'