Pigskin Philosopher Gifts

"O.K., let's see what all the fuss is about."

"Yes, one is a dog."

Cat Reunion

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

"Football is too dangerous, Junior. Why not follow my footsteps in a safe sport - chasing investment yield?"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"Dogs are men."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

Football.

The Inner Dog.

Ham-Dram

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

Vikings to the Super bowl.

Cultivating Toughness in Footballs.

"You need a hobby."

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

Stop the big guy!

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

'Sure, I can talk, but I still feel culturally illiterate.'

"I feel like a hallow shell of my former self."

"Ugh, tell me about it! They pressure you to be a good boy and I get unreal expectations of prettiness!"

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

"... and if you guys don't shape up, I'm going to have to start kicking some butt around here."

'Don't ask me what play to call..I've only got a one year contract...you've got a four year scholarship...you decide what play to call.'

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

'Your grandfather is a cautionary tale, son. He quit school early and pinned all his hopes on an NFL career. But in the end, he was never used in a single game.'

Hemingway's dog meets Faulkner's Dog.

"You know you're getting old when you start getting nose whiskers."