Pigskin Philosopher Pillows

"O.K., let's see what all the fuss is about."

"Yes, one is a dog."

Cat Reunion

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

"Dogs are men."

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"Football is too dangerous, Junior. Why not follow my footsteps in a safe sport - chasing investment yield?"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

Football.

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

The Inner Dog.

Ham-Dram

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

Stop the big guy!

Cultivating Toughness in Footballs.

"You need a hobby."

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

"Ugh, tell me about it! They pressure you to be a good boy and I get unreal expectations of prettiness!"

'Don't ask me what play to call..I've only got a one year contract...you've got a four year scholarship...you decide what play to call.'

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

'Sure, I can talk, but I still feel culturally illiterate.'

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

'Your grandfather is a cautionary tale, son. He quit school early and pinned all his hopes on an NFL career. But in the end, he was never used in a single game.'

Hemingway's dog meets Faulkner's Dog.

"I bark, therefore I am."

The Free Range Finch