Pigskin Prestidigitators Gifts

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"Football is too dangerous, Junior. Why not follow my footsteps in a safe sport - chasing investment yield?"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

Football.

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

Cultivating Toughness in Footballs.

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

Stop the big guy!

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

'Don't ask me what play to call..I've only got a one year contract...you've got a four year scholarship...you decide what play to call.'

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

"O.K., let's see what all the fuss is about."

"It's not straw - it's rattan."

'Your grandfather is a cautionary tale, son. He quit school early and pinned all his hopes on an NFL career. But in the end, he was never used in a single game.'

Midnight in Minnesota

'He destroyed his inner balance! ... Get the yoga coach!'

"There's a loophole in there somewhere, Haskins. Pretends it's truffle."

'Quit rushing me.'

"Sorry we missed the heist - we got sidetracked when Roscoe selled some truffles."

"Why is this quarterback still playing?"

"No Officer, but they will all make lovely trouser belts, shoes, or handbags."

"Another meeting?"

'Am I crazy...or does this thing smell just like uncle Earl?'

"Holding superstar quarterback accountable—token penalty after the kickoff."

'Now that's Hi-def!'

Another football season comes to an end.

"Oh look, honey, a touchdown. . . oops, that's not your team, is it dear?"

' I don't care what Mom says... I'm not taking any chances.'