Phone Joke Appreciator Pillows

"Ooooh....I'm a naughty girl - I've caught a mouse and now I'm just playing with it..."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

OMG.

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"Smart Arse"

Smart 3 Piece Suite.

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."