Animal Joke Appreciator Pillows

'He has high blood pressure. You'll have to keep him in a salt substitute, water tank.'

'My dog has no nose.'

"We need a cat to blame this on, now"

"Call the morgue, let's see if they do carrion out."

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

Lactose Intolerant

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"I was almost that last year."

"Say hello to my little friend."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Cat and mouse

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

Laughing Zone Ahead

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

Excuse me.. Are you Dog Friendly?

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

You complete me!

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Ostrich Curoisities

Canine Comedians

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

Mouse with a cat cake.

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'Sure, they have nine lives, but they spend eight of them asleep.'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

Vet to owner about dog with bird at chest: 'I suspect heartworm.'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

Giraffe Rollercoaster

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

"Come on, we all know you're the new Alpha Male: No need to rub it in by wearing a badge..."

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'