Animal Jokes Appreciator Pillows

"The reason you're not popular is...well...you smell like shark repellant."

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

Lactose Intolerant

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"I was almost that last year."

Cat and mouse

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"Say hello to my little friend."

Laughing Zone Ahead

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

Excuse me.. Are you Dog Friendly?

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

You complete me!

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

Ostrich Curoisities

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

'Sure, they have nine lives, but they spend eight of them asleep.'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

Mouse with a cat cake.

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

Canine Comedians

'I'm counter - intelligence'

Vet to owner about dog with bird at chest: 'I suspect heartworm.'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

Giraffe Rollercoaster

"Come on, we all know you're the new Alpha Male: No need to rub it in by wearing a badge..."

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!