Animal Joke Lover Pillows

If you've been trying to get my goat, Gloria, you've succeeded. Congratulations. You are now the proud owner of one used goat.

'When you said you had a small herd, I thought...'

"Cross-breeding oops #1." "The Cougadooodle"

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

"His mother was a poodle and his father was a shoe."

'We call these supernumerary teats!'

"Try to blame that one on the dog."

Rogue elephant

The continuing adventures of Rex, Washington DC insider.

Vulture proclaims its love for highways.

I loved Venice: So many statues to perch upon and people to feed you...

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

"Okay, which one of you called me CANDYASS?!"

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

You dope! Why would you build our home right next to a power plant?

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

'Scary movie?'

"Ok, maybe this isn't happening."

"I'll tell you how much wood I could chuck if I could—a lot, like, half a cord!"

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

Pampered Pets.

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

Swine flu

Pavlov's Dog, Ph.D.

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

"The reason you're not popular is...well...you smell like shark repellant."

Hog Futures

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

I've been doing sit-ups!