Phone Joke Appreciator Mugs

"Ooooh....I'm a naughty girl - I've caught a mouse and now I'm just playing with it..."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

What's an Imax cave?

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

OMG.

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Split the last one?

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

Smart 3 Piece Suite.

"He can be a real charmer when he wants to be."

"He's been like that ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."