Phone Call Veterans Gifts

'I asked why my Social Security check was late, and they transferred me to a number in Beijing.'

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

Naval Veterans Drinking at Greenwich Pub

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

"People of Earth – can everyone see my screen?"

'I'm sick of answering the phone - half the time, it's about business!'

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

"But rather than me just sitting here talking, why don't we watch this video of me sitting here talking?"

'Office of not much budget, and even less management! Yomp speaking!'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

Zika Epidemic

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

We'd like to run a few tests to see how this thing works.

"Ok, everybody set for that Zoom call?"

"Let me guess... Military, right?"

Working from home.

"Well, I don't think it is your constitutional right to interrupt my dinner with a sales call."

Entering Clogsted.

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

March of the Zoombies.

I wish I could experience a normal, social interaction...

Breakout Room

"That's two 'ayes', two 'nays' and a 'whatever'."

"I'm going to put you on hold for a few minutes...to see if you totally lose it."

'This is the technical support. To become connected to a service agent, please press the root of 576081, divided by three, times one point seven, mins 429.1.'

If you would be willing to take a short survey at the end of this call, press "1". If you would like to risk being punished for not taking the survey by being kept on hold for an extra 10 minutes, press "2."

"You're work might be free, but based on the quality, it's not pro bono."

'Stop phoning me at work. I don't care if you have got a technical problem!'

"This is a support group for phone victims. Frank butt dialed. Bib drunk dialed, Anne there talked bad about someone, but didn't realize she hadn't hung up..."