Phone Call Skeptic Gifts

"I told you never to call me at this number."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"I'll have to put you on hold. I have a bite on the other line."

'The King of what?'

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

...the onion rings

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"No, you hang up first. No, you!"

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

"Use your phone once more during dinner...And I'll send you close-ups of my patients' wounds."

"Hello, Braque? Picasso here. Cubism is out."

Reception - "Do you want to continue to 'hold' or do you want to call back later and 'hold'?"

Phone Calls As a Child and As an Adult

Listenin' in

'You'll never convince me that phone masts aren't a health risk.'

Collar I.D.

Business executive has desk sign stating: I am in a meeting.

Woman on the phone while her kids cause chaos in the background.

"I've been talking on this phone so much, I'm getting cauliflower ears."

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

"He wants to know if I'm alone."

Telemarketing Center: Help wanted. It's not a job - it's a calling.

Dog Chatlines...

'Still 10 minutes to go before my cheap call rate kicks in...!'

'I'm just opening him now. Stand by and I will give you a detailed description of what I find inside your husband...uh...hello?'

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

'You can't put me on hold... I'm putting you on hold!'

"I can give you a 93.4% assurance that there is less than a 65.6% possibility that this excercise will simply generate 34.8% more meaningless statistics."