Curtain Call Skeptic Gifts

"For some plays, the second act is best left shrouded in mystery."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'They all want to play the star.'

Taking a peek at the audience

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

Baseball batting cage theater La Cage Aux Folles.

"I take it you got the lead in the school play."

Drama Llama

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

Waiting Room For Godot.

John Woodvine

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

'Mamma Mia, Les Mis, Leveson inquiry...'

Rational explanations

Book and magician

"Congratulations on opening night."

"What do the know!"

'Look at it out there, Jones. Successful businesses as far as the eyes can see... We're gonna need some curtains.'

"Terrific! A hit! Broadway at its best!"

"I've got it! If we don't send Stanley Kauffman any tickets, maybe he won't come!"

'Thomas won't stay off the stage. He loves his part in the school play - he's the commercial.'

At Astley's

"Could someone please get a plaque made? A famous actor has just died in our theatre."

'I'm your agent! You're going to have to do another swansong.'

"Johnson dribbles to the base line and is fouled...Smith pivots to the top of the key and is fouled...Kirby drives to the hoop and is fouled...Smith accepts the inbound pass and is fouled..."

Ronald Mavor.

"Tia Carmen, can you fix my curtains? I ripped 'em by accident."

'We've been seeing a lot of this type of injury lately.'

Stage Hand

"I told you never to call me at this number."

"Bloody telemarketers! Always when you're just sitting down for dinner."

Johnson Flat refurb inquiry

'To speak to an actual person, press '5.' To speak to an actual wolverine, dream on.'

'Not so much a 'Don't know' more a 'Couldn't Care Less'.'