Phobia Ponderer Gifts

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

'It's about my claustrophobia, doctor.'

'What would be the point of putting you on a pedestal, Maureen? you're scared of heights.'

Nobody keeps his personal life to himself anymore phobia. 'Seems like everone's coming out of the closet!'

'I'm afraid of heights.'

Whenever I try to do good it backfires on me phobia.

'The worst part is I'm afraid of the water.'

Never being able to think of the right thing to say at the right time phobia.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Needs to get a life"

No Immediate Danger

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"What do you mean you can't stand to be touched?"

"You dropped yer wallet."

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

Conspiracy Cat

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'I say we try it.'

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

Prepper Dog

"I'll have dessert first."

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."