Philosopher Of Everyday Mishaps Gifts

Cold Cruel World: If a guy smashes his finger and there's nobody around will he actually make any noise?

Winter Weather.

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"Sure I can't pop that in a bag for you, sir?"

"I've figured out why my life is boring."

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

Chicken: the one-man show

"Is this a good time to bring up a car problem?"

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

'The Human Comedy needs a laugh track.'

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

Fall Rocks/Deer Crossing

STILL LIVES - Toilet Paper: 'I'm absolutely fed-up with being ripped-off all the time!'

'I'm leaving, I want to see the world. I can't stay here and spend my life watching grass grow!'

Torah reading on the subway.

Feel good loser. NON WINNER

Unloading Zone.

'What are you annoyed about now?'

"I'm going to need the promotion code."

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

'You are now entering Samville. Samville needs a ride.'

"I totally wiped out on my bike."

'Ignore him, he always makes such a fuss when he has a cold.'

"But if they're banned, where will I find poetry in the unexpected?"

"You get a great view of the ball park from here."

"Wow, two hundred dryer sheets. Who will I even be two hundred dryer sheets from now?"

'Have a nice day... And I don't say that to just anybody.'

The much more typical...Renaissance Man.

Frog gets the Fly. Ouch