Crafty Philosopher Gifts

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

Pigeon Little

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

Beyond the known and the unknown.

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

I downloaded Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" into it's memory, and now the "command" key isn't working.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

Today's alpha-lesson is "Keep a journal." The average person lets life pass them by. The events of their lives fade into nothingness. An alpha knows that long after they're gone, their thoughts and experiences will be of great interest to historians. That's not an original thought. I read it in the papyrus Randus Maximus XIV left in a safe deposit box after he helped conquer Judea.

'I ink, therefore I am....', IF DESCARTES HAD BEEN A CARTOONIST

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

The Nihilist Deli.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

'I ink, therefore I am....'

'How did he make the world in six days?'