Crafty Critic Gifts

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

"Pretty sure that braid came from a crafts store."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Cariactures

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Da Vinci painting a grumpy version of Mona Lisa.

Hamlet in the craft shop.

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

"I could do that."

We regret to inform you that your poem, "The Ramen," does not meet our publishing needs at this time. The short, frustrating career of Edgar Allan Typoe.

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

"Apparently my writing is so bad I've been rejected by a gene editor. She said she could see the lack of talent in my DNA."

"I think the banana looks like a mustache, or a weird smile or something. How about an apple? ... Just a suggestion."

"Well - and I'm not just saying this because you're my husband - it stinks."

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

"His painting is actually better than it looks..."

'Let's go around the room, and talk about the edgy, creative things we've done so far today.'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

Mom's Mortuary

"I call it 'You kids turn down that so-called music. I can't even hear myself scream.'"

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

'Forget the artwork who made the martinis?!'

Plug: ' OHHH, Baby Baby.'

"It looks like fecal transplants may do us in."

"You forgot his tail."

'Instead of being stranded on this island for the next 10 years, I used my pocket knife to build a boat out of palm trees. I told you my woodworking skills would pay off.'

The Internet...